GREG LOPEZ WANTS TO BE GOVERNOR And he's on today to tell you why he thinks as the former Mayor of Parker, he's the guy for the job. Find out more about him by clicking here.
DAVE'S CHILDHOOD HAS LEGENDS IN IT And if you missed the story of his friend Howard Matt shoving an extraordinary number of the super hot Jet Orbits candy into his mouth, get ready for some reminiscing about Dave's childhood. Howard is on the show today!
I THINK DEMS ARE TIRING OF NANCY TOO, AND HERE'S WHY
SOMETIMES I SEE THINGS AND I CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE TO SEE THEM So I present to you glitter coffins. Yep. Glitter coffins for someone who wants to sparkle right into eternity.
WHY WON'T ROBERT MUELLER PROSECUTE RUSSIAN COLLUSION? Because he indicted a bunch of Russians last February but keeps asking for a delay before starting the trial. That's weird, because the accused Russians are invoking their right to a speedy trial and Mueller is the one stalling. Why indict if he wasn't ready to go to trial in a reasonable amount of time? Hmmmm. Curiouser and curiouser.
DON'T WANT TO GET DEMENTIA? POP AN ASPIRIN AND HAVE SOME CHAMPAGNE! Good news for those of you worried about dementia. There IS something you can do, and it's not all horrible. Use your brain to learn a new activity, take a daily low dose aspirin, drink some champagne and be social. Ta-da!
I'M NOT SURE THIS IS BETTER THAN HAVING YOUR CONVERSATION OVERHEARD Want to make phone calls in your busy office and not be overheard? Then put on this mask thingy that sort of makes you look like Bane from Batman and talk away! Don't believe me? Check this out.
BLESS HIS HEART HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW INSULTING THIS IS A college tech professor in Akron, Ohio is super concerned about the gender disparity in his program. He has very few women in his courses, and they aren't doing well. What did he propose to do about it? He was going to bump the grades of those with a vagina. Why? So they wouldn't quit a program that they are apparently academically unable to compete in. This isn't just a horrible idea, it's truly insulting to women. Good news though, the idea has been killed.
LYING LIAR JAMES CLAPPER IS STILL HOPING YOU'RE BUYING WHAT HE'S SELLING And I for one, am not. He went on The View and was questioned by Meghan McCain about the lie he told before Congress about the NSA spying on Americans. Instead of fessing up, he lied some more. He's a liar. Who lies.
ARE YOU POOR? IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE SIMPLY NOT WORKING This column will make your head explode but it will also give you ammunition to when you get into one of those "you're just a heartless conservative" conversations. A recent study showed that people who are poor are either poor because they simply aren't working or because they had a baby out of wedlock. It's not rocket science, people.
ET TU, MORGAN FREEMAN? Morgan Freeman is an 80 year old creepy back rub guy. At least according to several female production assistants who said they hounded him like a horny 14 year old boy. He made suggestive comments about their bodies and even tried to lift a woman's skirt. I hate to say it, but this is not the worst thing in Hollywood, but disappointing nonetheless.
AND JUST LIKE THAT, PEACE FOR THE KOREAN PENINSULA GOES *POOF* The Summit has been cancelled by President Trump until further notice. This was in direct response to Kim Jung Un trying to demonstrate how big his was by letting his people trash Mike Pence as stupid. This is seriously watching two guys whip it out in various ways until everyone saves enough face to get to the table.
SHE IS NOT THE DROID YOU'RE LOOKING FOR But the creator of Sophia the very lifelike droid says you WILL want to marry one soon. Well some of you anyway. He thinks we'll be marrying robots by 2045. Which means my grandson could some day marry a robot. Does this mean I have to pay for the wedding???
OBAMACARE IS HAVING IT'S INTENDED EFFECT, WHICH IS TO MOVE PEOPLE TO GOVERNMENT DEPENDENCY And the uninsured rate has remained a relatively flat 9ish % The number of people on Government healthcare has RISEN and the number of people on private healthcare has DROPPED. Well done, Obama, well done.